205-616-9395
205-616-9395 
A fool-proof method for sculpting an horse: first, get a huge block of marble; then you chip away everything that doesn't look like an horse.
Behind every sucessful rancher is a wife who works in town.
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in
their shoes. That way you're a mile away, and you have their shoes too.
A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket. "You know a cow was murdered for that jacket"? she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is
suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved
through a suitable application of high explosives.
Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
One good thing about Alzheimer's - You get to hide your own Easter eggs!
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station...
"Vegetarian" - another way of saying "lousy hunter"
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees...
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
You know how some men are always whining about how we women are suffocating them? Personally, I think if you can hear them whining, you're not pressing hard enough on the pillow.
My answering machine message says : Hi, I'm probably at home now, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
You know stuff about everyone.
You won't starve without a can opener.
You can pick something to watch in less than 5 clicks of the TV remote.
You can distract an entire roomful of men just by reapplying lipstick.
When you fight, you fight to kill.
Your garage actually has space for your car.
You have the inherent ability to ask for driving directions when necessary, and the presence of mind to take them with you when you go.
PMS means you're right. About anything. Got a problem with that?
"I'm going fishing." Really means....."I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
"Let's take your car."Really means....."Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas."
"You cook just like my mother use to." Really means....."She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too."
"You know how bad my memory is." Really means....."I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in
case of an emergency. I think you should write...A Very Good Doctor.
Thought for the day...Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd want to have dinner with."
I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, drinking too much, smoking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
The best way to get a cowboy to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman: Before marriage and After marriage.
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either!
